On a hot summer night, the hours are endless as the NICU grows quieter with every pass of the minute hand as parents leave and babies sleep. It is so hot this endless night with the air conditioner glitch. Not helped by the heat of the oscillator and the radiant warmer. I look around at these babies and wonder who they will be? Will they all be? I have doubts about the baby on the Jet but hope in my heart for all of them. Who will these babies become? Will one or two become one of us and come back here to this place and intubate, resuscitate and permeate the NICU as one of us.
It grows even more quiet as I ponder the questions who they will be. As I wander the isles, isolettes in pulse oximetry lighting, blue and pink blankets with a glimpse of a hand, a foot, a face. Place prongs back in, check ventilators, move T coms, stim for A’s and B’s as I wander through the unit. I will not remember their names, I will not remember the families, I will not remember the diagnosis, but I will never forget the babies, the nights, quiet like tonight or crazy like the others. I will never forget the feeling, the knowing that this is where I belong. These babies need me, I am responsible for these little lives, I am where I am meant to be. Because I am here, regardless of who they will become, tonight they are safe, alive, breathing and loved.